Memories
by TL-chan
Summary: In which Buguese is haunted by the past and as usual, Aqune is the best thing that ever happened to him.
AN: Just some B/A fluff, set post series. Because this is what my brain defaults to when I really want to write something long and serious.

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Buguese would never admit it, but he has nightmares a lot. Years have gone by since the end of the Insector war against the humans. An incident like that was the sort people could never truly forget, aside from children who were too young to remember, or had the fortune of being born since then. Yet many people acted like they'd forgotten. Life just goes on.

Still, Buguese always remembers. He remembers in painful detail. He can clearly recall the unending black skies. The many Insectors who fought in vain, despite bleak feelings all around, and lost their lives on the battlefield. And most of all, he's reminded of the pain he caused personally. How he commanded the soldiers into these deadly fights. How he treated his few real friends with coldness, when they deserved so much better. How he controlled and manipulated the only woman he ever truly loved.

It almost stings when Buguese wakes up to her in the bed beside him. She shouldn't be there. No, he doesn't deserve to have her there. Yet she forgave him, she was never angry with him at all. Aqune would assure him of this whenever the subject came up, in her sincere and gentle voice. And it wasn't that he didn't believe her. She was never one to lie. But sometimes, Buguese just needed to hear it.

He reaches his hand towards her. Softly, he runs his fingers through her hair. A true, tangible feeling that regardless of everything, she's there. Regardless of everything, he's a person still capable of loving and being loved.

Aqune starts to stir. Buguese didn't mean to wake her, but he isn't surprised either. She can't really be the heaviest sleepier. Aqune herself lived a harsh and stressful life. Enough that even now, she still loses her calm and becomes on edge sometimes.

"Buguese…" Her eyes open, taking in his image. Her voice sounds nervous to him. "What time is it?" Aqune can tell that it's dark outside. Thus, night. But still not an association she defaults to immediately.

"Aqune, I'm sorry," Buguese replies. "You should go back to sleep. It's still night and there's nothing to worry about."

She gives him a curious look.

"If you're awake, there must be something." Aqune pushes herself closer to Buguese. "Are you having nightmares again?"

Buguese's first instinct is to deny it. Yet it is the truth. And, 'again'? He'd never directly spoken to Aqune about it, but suspected that she probably knew anyway. Denying was pointless.

"Yes," he answers. "But you don't need to concern yourself with them. Dreams are obviously not reality. They cease to exist once you awake. Thus, they are not harmful."

"I know that," Aqune says. "But they can still be unpleasant… sometimes very scary." She snuggles closer to him, her arm stretched over his body.

"Aqune…" She was obviously trying to comfort him, but it still feels odd to Buguese. He had gotten used to comforting her, but it was more awkward the other way around. It wasn't even the first time he'd been comforted. Just, he never liked feeling vulnerable, even if that was an unrealistic expectation of himself.

"Thank you," the man simply answers.

"Buguese, what are you so afraid of?" Aqune had felt him flinch as soon as she touched him, although he didn't try to resist further. "Right now, we're at peace. True peace. All people in the Inner World live under the light. There is plenty for us to eat. This is the Inner World we always hoped for, right?"

"It's not that," he replies. "I can be satisfied with the present, and not need to worry so much about the land's future. But there are so many memories of the past I only wish to forget. Perhaps the only thing I'm afraid of is myself."

Aqune simply smiles at him for a moment.

"Remembering can be painful, but to forget the past hurts in a different way." Of course she would know. Each day, she hoped to finally remember her childhood. Not from the stories people told her, but to truly claim those memories again, no matter how unhappy some of them may have been. "Memories are also strength. If you know what mistakes you made, you won't make them again, I think. So you don't have to be afraid. You also have to remember the things you did right. You became a hero to your people, and to me."

"And as a result, you still stand by me to this day," Buguese speaks, as he gazes into her eyes. The brightness he sees, the tenderness in her smile too, are as overpowering as ever. "I truly must thank you. Perhaps, my greatest fear would be losing you. That I could drive you away."

Aqune almost looks upset for a moment, but her smile wins over.

"That won't happen, Buguese. Why do you think I chose you?"

It wasn't a question that needed an answer. She tilts her head closer to his, until their lips touch.

This was reality. Buguese knew that the nightmares, along with the painful memories they brought him would not end so easily. But Aqune was right. He needed those memories. Having them would give him the motivation to preserve this reality. And they made it look all the more beautiful.


End file.
